3 simple steps to lead to my misery:

1. Er, still rely on your mother to wake you up at this age.

2. Said person wakes you up at 11am instead of 8am.

3. You have a lesson at 10am. Takes attendance, and you know no one there.

Maa. What can I say? Anyone can tell that it's my fault at the end. But then. I may be careless but I have never set alarm clock to 11am when I need to wake up at 8am before (SO WHO IS THE CARELESS ONE NOW????). WHY DOES EVERYTHING BAD HAPPEN DURING CH3221?? I know a lot of people pon even though got take attendance, but I'm NOT ready to tackle 郭璞 on my own!!! Even yumegal only wrote a lot of stuff for the first poem on her 郭璞 notes (the rest are empty!!). And who knows what hints sensei decides to give for writing essay/exam today!!!

Sigh. I seriously don't know anyone in the class eh... don't have anyone to ask what happened in class. だから一人でクラス取るの嫌なんだよ。 So how leh. The blank notes very intimidating leh...

( To spare you from the wank. )

Ignore me. It's just that things this week are making me feel that I fail as a person. As a 21 year old.

いい人だなあなたは、やっぱり。

素直に言えない自分が恥ずかしいだがな。
何に落ち込んでいるのかをな。
こんな回りくどい言い方しか出来ない自分が…情けないというか何というか。

でもこのくらい塞ぎ込むのって普通だから。
わたしはな。
何かあったら黙ってしまうからな。
親友であっても言わないし、知られたくないのが本音で。
事情は知られても、気にしていることは知られたくない。
あれはあれで私なりに頑張って書いたものだよ。

回りくどくて肝心なことなんざ書いてないけど。
あの言葉でちょっとは元気付けられたよ。
でも私は根暗でいやなことに引きずる方なんでたぶんしばらくこの調子なんだけど。
ちょっとは楽になったと思う。

あなたは本当にいい人だな。
たぶん読んでないと思うけど、本当にありがとうね。

で、思ったけど、一人って、やっぱり嫌いだな。
あの頃のことがトラウマになってたかな。
本当は親しい人がいなかったらクラスでも行きたくないくらい一人にいるのが嫌いなのに。
なのに友達を作るのが下手で。
結局学校行って落書きばっかり描いてボーとするだけで。
それに。
一人でご飯食べるなんていやだ。
本当は嫌で嫌でしょうがないんだ。
でも時間合わないのにねだるもなんもないじゃない。
子供じみたこと考えやがって。

私がこういうこと考えているなんて、たぶん誰も思っていないのだろう。
キャラじゃないなと、我ながら思う。
意外と粘着質だなあ、と。

つまり、なんだ。
「こういう自分、嫌いです」、と。

あーあ。
気をつかわれるのも嫌だな…

It is never my policy to regret anything. Hence I would not, shall not, regret anything and everything that has led up to this point in time for me.

So what if my scholarship is most probably gone case.
So what if I totally missed the fact that I was supposed to present today.
So what if I nearly missed the fact that my mid-term tomorrow is open-book.
So what if I hate JS projects (which I say every single sem).

There is no such thing as "missing a chance". If you don't manage to grab it, it just means that the chance was never meant for you.

それが何だっていうんだ？

Sigh. This is so discouraging. I went to school today to ask about the Rikkyo U scholarship thing. Beng Beng says, just apply first and see how. Ok that is perfectly fine. But I found another person who is also applying for this. And I suddenly felt my chances of getting it down to less than 1 percent. Maa I chotto know this person from Japanese 5... 4th year doing honours who also just got back from 1 year SEP, got her JLPT 1. Ok fine, maybe I didn't have much chance too before realizing she is applying, but you can always ignore the fact that there is competition when you don't see them in front of your eyes.

Sigh. My mum (and most people around me) will probably say, you haven't try how will you know. そりゃごもっともですけどさ。 Still.

Interview is apparently during reading week, and apparently there is a written exam. Omg. If it's normal entrance exams I can die liao. Imagine how I will die for maths.

So anyway I'm feeling uber sian now.

やっぱりこう、夢は夢であって現実ではない？ってとこですか。

[Edit] Morita-sensei emailed me and told me Beng Beng realized that there is actually more than 1 place and told me to apply. Lolx. She sent me the application form... and it's MEXT again =.= Maa the difference is that this time nationality dun matter bah. And then this time it's for enrolling in the school not for exchange. Will have interview and written Japanese exam... I will apply lar yup.

ものすごく今更なんだが、白状する。

明日にテストがある。

やらんとあかん課題もある。

けれどオレは、何もしとらん。

単にやる気が出ないのだが、このままだとマジでまずいとも思っておる。

人間関係もああなんだ。

シャキッとせんかオレ！

気合入れて下さいと言ったら何とかなるもんじゃないがな。

講義中課題をやったりしてその場をなんとなく凌げてる感じかな。

年何度かは思う、オレはだめ人間じゃ！！！の時期はまだきやがった。

鬱じゃのう。

Today when we walked past my translation group mate in the canteen. He waved to me so I waved to him. Ma said, "你好冷淡哦！"

I was like, I waved eh! Where got cold! And well it's not the first day you know me mah, I don't usually have much reaction at anything what...

Then she tells me I'm getting worse nowadays and that I used to be more friendly.

Where got!!!

I mean... I never thought myself as a friendly person at least. And don't have much reaction at most things (that are outside my interests). Socially handicapped, can I call myself this? Haha.

What. Let me emo when I want to.

SHOKOTAN TO BE AT AFA'09!!!

You bet I'm going to be there. EXAM OR NOT. 21/22 November.

* * *

News of the day: My handphone was stolen.

It should be lar, cos when I tried to call my phone, the first time was "network busy", the rest of the times were directed to the mailbox = either off-ed or switched to that by someone (cos I never do that mah). And the network busy part rules out the possibility of my phone dropping from my bag and died.

Situation: On a crowded 63 bus. Phone in a outer zipless pocket of a bag. I checked the phone once when I got on the bus. I found out it was missing when I had a place to sit down after a lot of ppl got down at a bus stop.

Maa I can only say it's my fault.

Well I'm not at all sad about losing my phone. I can always use back the old phone, terminate the SIM card and get a new one for free.

I AM MORE SAD ABOUT LOSING MY NINTAMA PHONE STRAP!!! It's the Kirimaru 銭の花 strap. To think how it was sold out on the release day when I went Animate to get it, and finally got to preorder it after giving up on it once.

Whoever stole my phone I CURSE YOU FOREVER FOR STEALING MY HP STRAP!!!

* * *

( To change a bit of mood. )

Basically I just CANNOT focus on mugging. Argh. Politics.

こんなもんじゃないさ　上を目指して
負ける気もしないし　つもりもない
努力がイヤだったら　やめたほうがいい
上手くなるのはラクじゃない

I can make it! そう　いつだって信じてる
当然 必然 勝ちに行って　ゲットしてみせる
Try 曖昧な態度なんて　なんにもしていないのと
同じだから　Wow×2

I can take it! もう　結果なんてわかってる
理由 余裕 パーフェクトで　振りきってやる
Say 中途半端な気まぐれに　つきあってる暇なんかない
わかってるだろ　あんたなら

Official studying song for this semester = I CAN MAKE IT by Etou Kiriya [Hino Satoshi].

It has been quite long since I last found lyrics that I agree with wholeheartedly. Especially this →　努力がイヤだったら　やめたほうがいい

Sigh.

Haha. Netabare teburo entries on yesterday's Nintama eps = at least 3 times the usual. Everyone GJ yay!!!

* * *

You know, sometimes you feel you don't really know someone as much as you used to. Maa. That didn't start lately anyway. I guess people probably think the same thing when they look at my blog. Even if you yourself don't think you have changed, actually usually you have. I don't know if using the term "growing up" is better but well. Sigh.

* * *

The Aniken girl mentioned in the previous entry sold me a ticket for the 07-Ghost event~ FIFTH ROW. Near the middle. KYAAAAAA. 俺の嫁SAIGA-SAN HERE I COME. It's at Nakano Sun Plaza Hall. Where yumegal and I came across the day we went Nakano, and saw a bunch of obasan queueing up for a korean star's (don't ask me who it is) concert. I think.

I want to go the Otomate Party though ← マジ欲しい。 Which I just realized is happening last week (courtesy of Yuutan) when it was already way past the general release (not that I think I will be that lucky even if I knew beforehand). SIGH. TORI-SANNNN. I was looking through how to use YAHOO!かんたん決済 but gave up after trying to apply for internet usage at my bank. It tells me some info I entered is wrong. But I don't know what is. It might be my name, which the person who opened my account got wrong the first time round and I don't know if she changed it to the correct one when I told her the second time I went. It might be other things. IDK. Maa.

I am not that desperate. I THINK.

代永翼／三木眞一郎／鳥海浩輔／飛田展男／遊佐浩二／鈴木千尋／梶裕貴 ← people that I actually really want to see! (Of which I guess I really rather desperately wanted to see Yuutan when I saw his post.)

岡野浩介／平川大輔／野宮一範／羽多野渉／坪井智浩／津田健次郎／福山潤／立花慎之介／成瀬誠／高橋広樹／柿原徹也／ ← rest of the cast. Actually I rather want to see them to. *confesses*

Which is rather funny too, cos I have never played ANY Otomate games before (not much of a gamer anyway). And don't really know anything about them other than what yamiyoru talks about. And stuff I see in Animate.

Oh but randomly, thanks to the 07-ghost event I will actually see Hayami-san on 3 days! Cos he's there in NRL on both days. Lolx.

You know lately I'm on this big hype about Hetalia. I really like the feel of how people from different countries getting together because of this.

If you are a pixiv member take a look at this pic! (If you are not, join pixiv now! Lolx. Why am I helping them publicize.)

I kind of nearly cried with it when I saw this pic. It's now my wallpaper.

平和がえーわー。

Like the Hetalia song says, the world is wonderful, and wonderful can be beautifully simple. As simple as drawing a circle with a pen. (Which, sounds simple but virtually impossible without a compass but I shall not dwell on that as it might turn out to be a debate for the justification of having laws.) Draw a circle, and that's Earth. Why can't reality be this simple?

Hetalia might be taking this lightly (hmm I'm not sure to what degree are they serious at least) but we readers, at least, can take a hint.

Sometimes I really don't know why peace is so much harder than dispute. *shrugs*

You know. Every time I try to be intelligent, it either backfires or I get sick of myself and give up very obviously.

I hate projects/group work/presentations.

どうしよう。すごいテンション下がっちゃったんだけど。明日のプレゼン大丈夫かな。引きこもりたいっす。

* * *

Tegamibachi to be animated in October. Saw the CM in... some JR train yesterday I think. Can't exactly say I'm excited, but still. Maa it's Jump SQ, it can't die that much, Shueisha has a reputation to keep. But what is different from other Jump (non-SQ) stuff is that it's now only until what, book 5? Even if you wait until October it'll probably be until book 6 the most. Maa. Cast, again, is most important to me, as usual. From the manga art it's so hard to guess the cast. Can I push for KobaYumi as Ragu. Haha. KobaYumi moe! I'm having a hard time trying to think of any possible male Ragu. Hmm. I guess I'll be quite happy if it's Kaji Yuuki. Lolx.

* * *

Sengoku BASARA stage play?? Hmm. 微妙。

* * *

Ah Tai is lazy. The Osaka/Kyoto pics are all here.

生きること自体が面倒くさい。これ本音。

生と死の彩り

生を仇す者　死を慕う者
同じ道を歩み　同じ終焉に赴くのだろう
最期に目に留まるのは
悦びに満ち足りた　

闇

生を拒む者　死を招く者
開かれる扉は　同じ終点に導くのだろう
向こう側に見える景色は
妖しく染まれた

紫

生を貪る者　死を恐れる者
堕ちる刹那に　同じ絶望に包まれるだろう
遠ざかる淡い夢想は
希望にも似た

青

生を望む者　死を憎む者
囚われる手は　同じ氷炎に灼かれるのだろう
迫り来る熱い視線は
残酷な笑みを浮かんだ

紅

* * *

Every once in a while I get into an angsty mood. And write crap. And try to make it look like 新詩. Yar. I'm just being random. Yar you can probably tell I am hugely influenced by Sound Horizon. (Yes I'm talking about Violette and Hortense.) And that the first paragraph is so out of place from the rest. Whatever.

I am stressed atm. Because of stupid Japanese Politics. The whole lesson is so damn boring (I fell asleep after 10 minutes, I woke up and realized there is still 45 more minutes and I decided to start writing story), I don't know what to do for my project (or rather I'm not interested in anything), the teacher is totally like "have you thought about what to present? You have? Ok then you will present next week. Oh if you want to do it in groups you can, if not you can do it alone." And he teaches the Media module also. IF NOT FOR THE CREDITS. AND MODULE MAPPING. ARGH. I would freaking drop all his modules.

I did a small tally. There are at least 6 presentations for me this sem AND COUNTING. Plus at least 4 essays. 1 video and and 1 skit. Weekly homework/quizzes for around 6 modules. Btw I have 11 modules.

Stupid NUS. If they didn't need 16 credits my workload can totally be halved.

For once I actually preordered GR's tRANCE single but... here I am getting it digitally. Lolx. Maa. Thanks to this I got to apply for balloting for their July 野音 con earlier too. Please pray for me!! Lolx. I want to get the ticket... maa. I will know on 9th May. Unfortunately I'm not that kind of lucky people. I'm prepared to rush for the normal ticket sales. From 14th June onwards. なんて疾走感あふれる曲調だろう！ Lolx. ダメだよきーやん、汚い言葉使っちゃ。 Haha. Because I will get stuck there and don't dare to sing it out. Oh but given this kind of song style I like tRANCE a lot better than Detarame no Zanzou. Maa I don't know what else to compare it to mah. But I like Nejireta Yugami (c/w song) a lot more! I like dramatic pop. Lolx.

( Hmm. )

I got email from HMV saying they sent out my order! Yay. Do you think I'll receive it today? Lolx. Ok probably tmr. (I received the mail at 2.10pm...)

My order:
GR - tRANCE, Darlin', Instinct
SH - Moira DVD
K8 - PUZZLE
Shimokawa Mikuni - Heavenly

[Edit] Was listening to Pokekuri. ARGH this is what I hate about serialized stuff. DON'T STOP THERE ARGHHHH. Somehow when I heard the word 絶望 I was like "ohhh no wonder Kamiyan is casted." Lolx. はい、すいませーんでした。

[Edit 2] Listen to this. And try telling me Yocchin and Tori-chan are not cute. YOU TRY. I thought I was mentally prepared when I first saw the cast for Kawaii Akuma (mentally prepared to squeal) but clearly, I UNDERESTIMATED THEIR 殺傷力. When I read the manga I had ToriKou in my head. Maa cos ToriKou has quite a lot of hetare charas on his list, well. Yocchin's side was a bit hard cos I can imagine the ore-sama part but not the cute part... (Right, in some part of my mind I had his Kiyoharu in Vitamin X in mind. Oh you can tell that I like Kiyoharu and Shun's interactiions in Vitamin X? あんたエスパー?) Yocchin, GJ!!!!! Lolx. I can't wait for this. Out on 28th! And I want to listen to their nodoame series free talk CD too! American cherry and fully ripe mango? なんとなくわかる。 Both Yocchin and Tori-chan are so cute in that site =/////= Lolx. *花痴* Maa and the other thing is that they are like the first pair on the nodoame series who are really good friends! (Not like HiroC and OnoD which was... And the rest are obviously not exactly friends.) ワクワク。

Ah Tai is a hikikomori. Ah Tai hates walking. Ah Tai does not feel like a tourist. Or rather Ah Tai does not WANT TO BE a tourist. Ah Tai does not want to see tourist-y places. Unless the tourist-y place is for otaku tourists. Basically... I don't like touring. Travelling.

( Pictures, rant. )

Let's add this on. Ah Tai doesn't like to talk esp when Ah Tai is not in a good mood or when the other party is someone Ah Tai has no common topic with. Ah Tai would rather play mute and write on paper instead.

覚悟が出来ていると思っている自分って、やはり甘いだろうか。

いろいろと。

* * *

Went to Kino a few days ago and got Toshokan Nairan. Finished it. よかった。 Ahhhh. Marie! Ii na. MARIE. Haha. Thanks to this I went to look for the DVD special haha. Ii na.

I'm starting to worship Shibasaki. WORSHIP. I worship Komaki too but I worship Shibasaki more now.

Girls are so scary.

Cos the Shibasaki back story and her thoughts and the Komaki-Marie story were cut from the tv series. Rather nice reading it!

Thanks to Ma talking about one of her friends on exchange I think I want to say this. Lolita is NOT cosplay. Unless the character you are cosplaying wears lolita. And it is not very nice to say that (ok I know this is not a direct quote) "japanese singers don't have nice voices, Korean singers are better." According to Ma she is a Jin+Kame+Pi fan. But she doesn't listen to their songs. Er, so what is left to like about them? And I'm rather pissed off at how she generalized "japanese singers". I'm sure many ppl will agree with me. The first thing that came to mind was Kalafina. Where does this put Kalafina! I won't mind if you say you like Korean music more than Japanese music, but who are you to judge the SINGERS. And it's rather sad that she thinks Jin doesn't have a nice voice. Lolx.

Me? Er. Korean music don't click with me unfortunately, but my standards of nice voices is so skewed that it doesn't make sense to talk about this. I love Ai-pon's voice but to a lot of ppl her voice is screechy. And well, she can't sing that well. (Took Ai-pon as example cos I was listening to Ama no Jaku AGAIN.) My point is that, don't push your standard of "nice voices" onto ppl! I told ma to introduce her friend to vip店長 when she finally gets around her nico account/password thing. Because I was bombarding her with vip店長 clips over nico messe yesterday.

A:　ねえ、ちょっと聞いてくれる？
B:　うん、なに？
A:　実はね、彼がね、最近の様子がちょっと変なの。
B:　え、何があったの？
A:　それがね、誘ってもいつも忙しいと言うし、電話してもすぐ切られちゃうし…私のこと、飽きちゃったのかな…
B:　そんなことないよ！この間だってAちゃんのこと大好きって言ってたじゃん。
A:　だって！こんなに冷たくされたことないのよ、私！どうすればいいかわかんないよ…
B:　まあ、本当に忙しいかもしれないじゃない？もうすぐ期末試験だしね。そこまで気になるなら、彼の友達のCくんの聞いてみればどう？Cくんなら口もゆるいし、秘密とかがあっても絶対守れないと思うよ。
A:　あ、そういえばそうかも！今聞いてくるね。ありがとう、Bちゃん！

今週のTBの宿題のスキット作り。いやー、我ながら上出来だと思いますよこれ。Aちゃんにはちょっと（？）裏設定がございまして…いわゆるヤンデレであることです。Bちゃんの方はいつも彼女の恋の相談に乗ってるけどもううんざりみたいです。まあとにかく私は今回のスキットが大好きということで。出来れば恭子ちゃんと奏江をイメージして読んでください。つまり麻里奈ちゃんと早水さんの声で。ヤンデレの設定とは全然関係ないのですが。

いい加減なこと思いつかないDxまあいっぱいあるけど…宿題ネタとかｵﾀネタが。また先生にサラッと怒られそうでちょっと書けない…いつもこの例を挙げて下さいの問題が一番難産ですよね。もう本当にいい加減にしてくれよ！

すみません、愚痴ばかりで…

Maria Holic 11! Finally it made me giggle all the way again. GJ Sugitan!! 杉田さんがボツボツ何か言っているところが好きです。相手されてないところがいいです。なのでこの藤一郎役はパーフェクトです。 And I like this week's random ことわざs! And God Boss 寮長先生 this week rocks. Like she (and Miyukichi) does every week. I don't want this to end D: I hope Natsu no Arashi next season is nice. I'm starting to miss 新房監督 even before Maria Holic ended.

This totally made up for the fact 151 made me wait from 5.56pm to 7.20pm at Kent Ridge terminal today.

* * *

Somehow I didn't realize that Keyhole TV can listen to radio too =.= Anyway I was channel surfing (currently waiting for Anison Plus to air, lolx. Saiga Mitsuki feat. JUST is on this week!) and I heard this familiar voice... It was Suzu! Haha. Iwata Mitsuo Suzumura Kenichi no Sweet Ignition desu yo! No actually I stopped here because I heard Animelo Summer Live 08's CM. Dwango! Maa. Dwango sponsor = aniraji, somehow. Haha AM1422KHz Radio Nippon ne, for monday 2am (japan time...). Next on is Sweet Junction. The Sugita, Shou-chan and Morita Masakazu one. Haha. Yay I have something to do before Anison Plus.

[Edit] The person providing that channel went off! Argh. Now listening to Shirota Yuu's All Night Nippon.

I'm doing nothing but listening to DGS from the very start. Not exactly a comment on DGS (っていうかまったく関係ないんですけど), but... yes, I have confidence in my command of Japanese, but please see how much time I spend with Japanese. If you want to do well in listening, LISTEN MORE. If you want to know more vocab, read more. If you want to do well you cannnot just study your textbook. Especially for language studies textbook is not enough. I don't do well in Japanese class for nothing. Yesterday when we were outside the classroom waiting to do the term test then I was benkyou-ing and ppl were like "why are you even studying, not like you will fail." 確かに不合格はないけどいい点取りたいんだよ!日本語しか取り柄がないからさ。お前ら出来ている人間と違うんだよ! Well. I said "well of course I know I won't fail" in reply. Lolx. Like I said I have confidence in my Japanese. But I just want to say I'm not good in Japanese for nothing. Yup. AND don't look down on anime manga aniraji drama CD and songs on its use as teaching aids.

Although I really have pride in being able to do vocab quiz without searching for the meaning (not provided in our student packet/vocab list). I am able to answer when people ask me what is the meaning of this word. You ask me why? Or how? Try spending 7 years with japanese media at least 4 hours each day. Do that with what you learnt in lessons in mind. "Ah that is the structure we learnt last week!" みたいな。 Just like when I was listening to DGS I went "oh they used ひょんなこと!" (That was a vocab in chapter... 3 I think.)

Just that lately it has been getting on my nerves. まあいいよ。俺日本語上手だけど何か？

Oh well. If there is anyone taking LAJ3202 I don't really mean to be mean. But apparently I'm naturally mean. DGS (Kamiya Hiroshi・Ono Daisuke no Dear Girl ~Stories~) is a radio programme. Er the content is definitely no use in helping in Japanese but really, listening to anything is good for listening.

As an end note, Sheryl Nome from Macross Frontier says, those who think I am lucky for reaching the top (as the 銀河の妖精), they haven't seen the effort I put in to climb up to where I am.

ごもっともです。

([Edit] After considering. I shall say this here. Please notice my sarcasm.)

Oh and I listened to the CD for 15 no Theme de Nihon wo Hanasou (arigatou nanya_hime-san!) and I realized why we can never use this in Amazaki-sensei's class. WE WILL ALL DIE FROM SHADOWING. The "story" tracks are 4+ mins each. Wahh. The 2 minutes ones with Adachi-san is already a killer. Haha. Not to mention how I'll laugh too much over the whole thing. I tend to laugh every single time Jones-san (CV: Nakai Kazuya) appears. 爽やか過ぎ! And this applies to Takashi-san (CV: Kamiya Hiroshi) too. Somehow when they call Takashi-san I'll think of Natsume Takashi/Natsume Yuujinchou. まあ、中の人ネタですよ。 And everytime they called "Teresa-san" I will think of our class's Teresa-san.